The Halliwells Do Hollywood
by Ernest Worthing
Summary: An intricate and detailed look into the psychosis of the characters, and the effect that the fame has on their frail minds, incorporating good use of hyberpole, ecumenity, psychology, erniology, bertology, and much much more, all for 1.99!
1. Chapter the First

**THE HALLIWELLS OR WHATEVER THEYRE CALLED DO HOLLYWOOD  
**_or  
_CHARMED: THE MOVIE

One day, in the exact same town as the show, with the exact same characters (older series before the hot one from Doom Generation came in, and the bitch from Heathers was still a sister) , but with memories of the series apparently wiped…. SOMETHING AWFUL HAPPENED. Tragedy struck – a daemon attacked Brooklyn or San Francisco or something! And so, three ordinary sisters, albeit with bigger breasts and more makeup than the rest of the women in San Diego or Manhattan or something, went to work suspecting nothing. Suddenly, a plumber or builder or something appeared!  
"Hello!" he said, stroking his oily pectorals, "My name is Leo or something, never mind the fact that I appeared out of nowhere, invite me into your house and fall in love with me!" The audience enthusiastically surrendered, as did Patricia or Penelope or something. DRRRRRING – what was that? Ooooh, it was just the phone ringing.

"Hello? Halliwell residence, Geri – I mean Petunia or something –speaking!"   
"Hello, this is your boss who is also a daemon who just happens to be British – hey isn't that nationalism or something!"  
"Oh, hi Rex Indubitably Harrison-Ford the Third. Boy, you British people sure have posh names and accents"  
"Yup, every last one of us, not a single exception in the whole of Britland – listen, could you come in early so I could kill, I mean, talk to you about something which I could easily talk to you about at your normal working time… is that OK?"  
"Yes Mr Smythe-Davies-Gryffin, no Mr Johnson-Lovington-Bigglesworth, right away, Mr Harman-Harmungius-Queenington!"  
"Excellent! Now my sister slash wife, come and turn into a tiger to fulfil my furry-fetish-fantasies… Oh, right…"  
BEEP. And with that he hung up on Justin – I mean Parker or something – Halliwell. Then the girls started making out.  
Then I woke up anime teardrop

TO BE CONTINUATED, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED


	2. The Horrorwell Continues!

**I GOT BORED AND WROTE SOME MORE – READ ON AND BE INFLUENCED BY MY OPINIONS TOWARDS POPULAR TELEVISION! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

The Radio blares out a tune – oh look, it's Love Spit Love singing How Soon Is Now ("Piss off, that's our song!" – The Smiths), a delightful reference to the original TV series that Charmed fans everywhere (yes, both of them) will recognise and giggle-snort at loudly in the middle of a less-than-crowded cinema! Oh, wondrous joy! MEANWHILE – "OH NO, I'M DEAD" Prune Halliwell is dead 'cause of some daemon or something. OH NOES WHATEVER SHALL WE DO! Oh right, NOW we bring in the hot one from Doom Generation. Yay.  
"Oh, Phabulous, my sister! I sense a disturbance in the Force…"  
"Oh, Panther, you're the living end! Ho Ho Ho!" And they lived happily ever after…. But wait -  
MEANWHILE MEANWHILE – "What a boring job!" cried Poignant Matthias or something, "I probably quit or something! I'm off to the church where I was abandoned as a child by an angel but never thought anything of it and was never even hinted at ever before and apparently my genius supernatural mother wasn't even clever enough to leave me more than two miles away from my other family possibly, I don't know I am clueless to this situation"  
MEANWHILE MEANWHILE MEANWHILE – "Hey, lets go to this church which we've never thought of going to before!" exclaimed Pantera or something Halliwog.  
"Good idea!" cried Pompidou Hollywiggle or something, "Lets kick ass on the way!"

MUSICAL MONTAGE –

Music: Flavour of the Month – Latest Release to coincide with possible success of movie  
Scene: The girls beating up random civilians who might or might not have been daemons, how the hell should I know? I ain't a Charmed one.

SUDDENLY AT THE BAR – "That was one hell-good party!" said the new girl  
"You haven't dated a daemon yet, you're not fully one of us. HAHAHAHA!" said one of the older ones, probably the hot one from Embrace of the Vampire (you know, she did those topless lesbian scenes… you know the one I'm talking about)  
"Hey honey-bunch, how's the baby we probably just wrote in to explain your real-life pregnancy?" asked Leon or something, sitting down at the table  
"I think it's the incarnation of pure evil! My women's intuition combined with my power to stop time or blow shit up or something tells me this is no ordinary baby!"  
"Oh, shut up, you!" Leopard joked (or was it…?) "That's just the damn hormones talking! HA HA HA!"  
Then the baby kicked… DUN DUN DUN

TO BE CONTINUED – CONFORM… CONFORM! All the cool kids are reading my fan-fics, printing it out and smoking it behind the bike sheds! You do want to be cool, don't you!


End file.
